Monday, June 29, 2009
A minor rant- Phonecalls
People don't seem to share the same sentiment that 9am is the first "Godly" hour. Why do people think it ok to call you at 6am and not just once but multiple times. Some people even have the gall to "flash" you and expect you to wake up and call them back...what the fudge man?!
Six degrees of separation, ha!
My uncle flew to Abuja to attend the wedding of his bosses cousin's son who was also his distant cousin on his mother's side. I am not related to this person because I am his relative on his dad's end. This wedding in Abuja also had the Lagos leg of the tour; you see the bride is Hausa and the Groom, Yoruba (kudos to making Wazobia a reality).
Now, my friend, who is Yoruba on one end and Igbo on the other, said he was going to Abuja to attend HIS cousin's wedding. I found out that his cousin was the bride which makes me wonder where he got a Hausa relative. I wonder how long it will be before we start growing extra appendages and acquiring superhuman abilities from all the very close genetic breeding going on.
Well, put me down for a third boob or glowing in the dark...
Now, my friend, who is Yoruba on one end and Igbo on the other, said he was going to Abuja to attend HIS cousin's wedding. I found out that his cousin was the bride which makes me wonder where he got a Hausa relative. I wonder how long it will be before we start growing extra appendages and acquiring superhuman abilities from all the very close genetic breeding going on.
Well, put me down for a third boob or glowing in the dark...
I forgot to post this...
Now I don't know about you but it seems that when travelling sometimes I feel that I am being treated like a second class citizen by some of these airlines. By sheer luck I was upgraded on my flight out and I got to enjoy the luxuries of the leeches in power and the owners of franchises. I slept like a baby and enjoyed meals that would require way too much effort in my own kitchen but alas the dream didn't last and on the way home I was returned to my pitiful existence of peanuts and shared in-flight entertainment.
It has to be said that not all economy class cabins are horrid symbols of society made to make you feel inadequate and an underachiever but the Delta airlines company is a very different story. I know, I know- I should have known from the beginning but I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt before I write them off for all eternity so I tried them out. I mean, direct to Atlanta, no stop over, no transit visa and as the South African voice on DSTV says- no wahala.
I am now a personal believer that there was a meeting at the Delta Airlines office that summised “we don’t need that- send it to Nigeria, they’ll take anything.” It’s safe to say that I'm going to write them off for all eternity. Horrible service, horrible accommodations- actually horrible everything. I felt as if I was being punished for not being in the upper class cabin....note to self, marry rich ;)
It has to be said that not all economy class cabins are horrid symbols of society made to make you feel inadequate and an underachiever but the Delta airlines company is a very different story. I know, I know- I should have known from the beginning but I like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt before I write them off for all eternity so I tried them out. I mean, direct to Atlanta, no stop over, no transit visa and as the South African voice on DSTV says- no wahala.
I am now a personal believer that there was a meeting at the Delta Airlines office that summised “we don’t need that- send it to Nigeria, they’ll take anything.” It’s safe to say that I'm going to write them off for all eternity. Horrible service, horrible accommodations- actually horrible everything. I felt as if I was being punished for not being in the upper class cabin....note to self, marry rich ;)
Monday, June 15, 2009
What did you bring for us?
After my two weeks of relaxation and rejuvenation, I was ready to come back and take over the world. I have come back to this socially acceptable harassment of what did you bring for us. This morning my tailor, who only comes to my house when she wants to expedite a payment, came over at a quarter-past eight o’clock. Seeing as I was in mid work dress mode, I threw on a robe and went to see her. When I asked her why she was there she said she wanted to make sure I was home to ask what I brought back for her.
I have only been back for a few days and the first thing everyone I have seen has asked me is “what did you bring for us?” When I say everyone, I mean, most of the people in my office including the young man who operates and services our generator, the people who look after my house, our driver, my uncle’s driver and the people who run the chemist near my house.
The average travelling individual is allowed to take 2 bags with a linear dimension up to 158cm and weighing up to23 kilograms each. You can also have a small bag of carry-on luggage that can be 56cm by 45cm by 25cm at most, oh and a purse (not withstanding your chromosome branding)
Now, I explain this to you because even if ALL these people were in my sights to buy things for, who do I look like Yar’Adua’s next governor-entrusted kid? If you add up all the people in my family from both sides the numbers are going into the hundreds. I will leave out friends and significant other for the sake of argument but financial restraints notwithstanding, where the hell am I supposed to put it all?
I finally rifled through my un-unpacked bags and found two Snickers bars at the bottom. I then had to apologise to her that I had not brought her more and when she seems content with the fact that the chocolate was just to placate her and she was worthy of more she left. I wondered what kind of delusional self-importance allows your tailor to harass you before your first cup of coffee for a present that she was not entitled to in the first place. If I had that kind of confidence I’m pretty sure I would rule the world
I have only been back for a few days and the first thing everyone I have seen has asked me is “what did you bring for us?” When I say everyone, I mean, most of the people in my office including the young man who operates and services our generator, the people who look after my house, our driver, my uncle’s driver and the people who run the chemist near my house.
The average travelling individual is allowed to take 2 bags with a linear dimension up to 158cm and weighing up to23 kilograms each. You can also have a small bag of carry-on luggage that can be 56cm by 45cm by 25cm at most, oh and a purse (not withstanding your chromosome branding)
Now, I explain this to you because even if ALL these people were in my sights to buy things for, who do I look like Yar’Adua’s next governor-entrusted kid? If you add up all the people in my family from both sides the numbers are going into the hundreds. I will leave out friends and significant other for the sake of argument but financial restraints notwithstanding, where the hell am I supposed to put it all?
I finally rifled through my un-unpacked bags and found two Snickers bars at the bottom. I then had to apologise to her that I had not brought her more and when she seems content with the fact that the chocolate was just to placate her and she was worthy of more she left. I wondered what kind of delusional self-importance allows your tailor to harass you before your first cup of coffee for a present that she was not entitled to in the first place. If I had that kind of confidence I’m pretty sure I would rule the world
Monday, June 8, 2009
Only in naija?
Every Lagosian knows that there comes a time when we have to get away from the city for solace and Starbucks coffee (I seriously don’t know why we don’t have one). So, as the weeks close in on my vacation my excitement builds and I start packing waaay before it is necessary.
The day finally arrives and I wake up extra early, we are on our way and there is absolutely no traffic from my house to the airport. I check-in and get searched for contraband items and then I have to get into another queue to get searched for drugs on a table separated by no more than a 2-inch space from the first one; “Was there seriously no way for you guys to figure out a way to do that at the same table?” but I shrug off the thought of the inefficiency until I get to the NDLEA officials who make a mockery of any kind of search and proceed to ask “anything for the boys?” I cannot describe the irritation i feel anytime i am openly asked for a bribe and I could rant on for hours about it but that’s not what this story is about...
After, this minor jilt in my morning, i skipped off to immigration, which took almost twenty minutes and headed to board my flight. After having my boarding pass checked, I waited to board the plane...15mins till the plane took off, 10mins, 5mins and still no boarding. Then a woman (sans PA system) announces that the flight will be delayed for 2 hours due to a technical problem but they will serve snacks and drinks while we wait. She apologises for the inconveniences and then we wait.
As the end of the 2 hours approaches, i await the boarding call but still nothing...then the woman, stands on a chair and announces that the flight has been cancelled because, and i have to say this perfectly, it seems that birds flew into the engine of the aircraft and they would not be able to resolve the problem today. As I get up, thinking how possible it will be to find another perfect travelling outfit, i wonder if things like this only happen in naija...
The day finally arrives and I wake up extra early, we are on our way and there is absolutely no traffic from my house to the airport. I check-in and get searched for contraband items and then I have to get into another queue to get searched for drugs on a table separated by no more than a 2-inch space from the first one; “Was there seriously no way for you guys to figure out a way to do that at the same table?” but I shrug off the thought of the inefficiency until I get to the NDLEA officials who make a mockery of any kind of search and proceed to ask “anything for the boys?” I cannot describe the irritation i feel anytime i am openly asked for a bribe and I could rant on for hours about it but that’s not what this story is about...
After, this minor jilt in my morning, i skipped off to immigration, which took almost twenty minutes and headed to board my flight. After having my boarding pass checked, I waited to board the plane...15mins till the plane took off, 10mins, 5mins and still no boarding. Then a woman (sans PA system) announces that the flight will be delayed for 2 hours due to a technical problem but they will serve snacks and drinks while we wait. She apologises for the inconveniences and then we wait.
As the end of the 2 hours approaches, i await the boarding call but still nothing...then the woman, stands on a chair and announces that the flight has been cancelled because, and i have to say this perfectly, it seems that birds flew into the engine of the aircraft and they would not be able to resolve the problem today. As I get up, thinking how possible it will be to find another perfect travelling outfit, i wonder if things like this only happen in naija...
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