Worker Bee

To work in Lagos you have to be of very strong faith in either a higher power or a bottle of gin. Functionality is optimum when you learn the cardinal rules:

1) Never expect a professional to be able to provide the level of service he claims he can give you
2) A deadline is about as effective as the 2.5 billion naira on-ramp to Falomo Bridge
3) The more money you pay upfront exponentially decides how fast the understanding of your deliverables will diminish.

I spend all day, EVERY day, trying to decipher management techniques that work with different types of people; screaming at them or pleading with them, maybe even threatening or actual physical violence. (There's the C.V. of a baseball bat on my desk, just in case).

After being 3 weeks late on a deadline, I journeyed to the office of one of my vendors to actually sit with him to make sure he was doing work.  Physically blocking him from leaving his desk, I spent 6 hours monitoring a project that had, at a prior instance, been referred to as being "cleaned up."  Resigned to another day of sitting on his head,as the sun was setting I ask what time we are meeting in his office the next day. My vendor then tells me that he is not working tomorrow;  tomorrow is a day that he exclusively spends with Eileen. Considering I'd never met his wife or any of his 5 children, I asked who Eileen was and to which he said "she's one of my girlfriends."

*yoga inspired deep breathing exercises*

Needless to say, I've been really stressed out lately.  I've been hoping for a while that when one of my work vendor's says "I will deliver it today" he doesn't actually mean " I will switch off my phone and ignore your emails because my time is more valuable than yours." Today, after my second cup of calming tea and my third distressed phone call to explain to someone that sending me the same design twice does not constitute a re-design, I  have decided to take my blood pressure.